Wednesday, September 14, 2005

oh man it seems

like i always want to be something different when i grow up.

i need to grow up soon.

ive spent my entire adult life in the army. when i get out on march 1 2007 i will have 7 years of federal service behind me. way behind me. do you understand the lack of responsibility that goes along with being in the army?

sure you sign for millions of dollars of tax payer bought equipment. sure you are trained to kill people from 300 meters away with a peice of metal a little biggr than the end of a ball point pen. you even get sent to foreign countries to secure long forgoten common people democracy. you have to be prepared to die to do this. the army teaches you that too.

Im talking about real responsibility though. the kind that pays rent and impresses your girlfriend and her parents. maybe they dont need impressing because they love you but it still feels good to hold your head up high at meals and talk about all the important things you are doing at your important job.

all this time ive been an adult ive always known i was leaving soon. on active duty i knew i had a paycheck and place to live. i knew i was going to korea or iraq so i didnt need to save money then because i might not come home. enjoy it while you got it because you dont know when it leaves you. got off active duty and knew i was going to the national guard in a month. got in the national guard and knew i was going to georgia for 6 months. got back from georgia and buckled down, i got a job within a week of being home. i got into school. i got comfortable with kira. it was great. my life was starting after all that time of being caught between deployments and activations. a month after i got home i was told i was going to afghanistan. fuck it dood. goodbye job, goodbye school, hello booze, hello mississippi, goodbye kira, hello heat, dust, mountains, pashtuns, daris, ana, dutch marines, ak47s, rpgs and landmines.

now in less than a year i will be home. ill have three months before i have to go to drill again. then after that i have 6 months or so untill i am done with the army for the rest of my life. time to grow up again, start my life again, hello new job, new city, new school. hello kira, hello friends, hello family, hello new place to live.

im ready to kick all of it in the ass. there is so much i am interested in though. like being an anthropologist, a lawyer, a writer, FUCKING GONZO!, maybe whatever a person with a literary degree is.

in iraq i wanted to go to law school and become a contract lawyer. then i wanted to buy a winnebego and go from kansas city to gainsville signing bands back and fourth while i sent them to keeth who would open a recording studio and make the music. then i wanted to be a journalist and i met kira. we both cant be journalist can we? i want to be more of a norman mailer, tom wolfe, HST tpye journalist. i dont imagine we could have worked in the same city at the same job so i just let it go. then i wanted to fix computers for a living. jesus not anymore. i ended up pouring concrete, working for the DNC, and selling tight fitting clothes to underage girls.

its really time for me to go to college. i dont know what to pic though. there is only one thing i really want to have when i get older and that is kira around to tell me when im being an ass, to tell me when im being a great person, and to tell me when i need to buckle down, save money and take things more seriously. thats my real ambition. that pays real well.

not the kind of payment that pays rent, but it still might impress her parents.


At 1:57 PM, Anonymous The Sheik said...

Dude where can i get a job selling tight fitting stuff to under age girls!!!

At 10:20 PM, Blogger a.chap said...

the gap man


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