Saturday, September 10, 2005

its lunch time

and the cooks made french dip subs. that shit was good. so far today i have crossed out 5 of the 23 things on my to do list.

writing letters home is one of them i have not yet. i need to do that. im getting so much support from so many people an di havent returned the support. im working on it. thats part of my goal too.

ive been running again. when i feel like my life is shitty, like the walls arent real and i have to reach out and touch them to make sure they are not simply walls i have built myself, when i feel like i have never left this place and everything at home is a dream, i go running. just like forrest gump. everyone out there probably kows that i get self destrcutive sometimes and run on auto pilot in no good direction. well, running helps a lot. really, if you feel self destructive just go exercise untill you cant even shit. there is no point in cutting yourself, or beating yourself, or drinking yourself into a stupor that causes more problems and much more anxiety. just fucking run. it clears my head. it hurts very bad. after i remember i am alive and i have goals and a list of things to do to continue tryign to reach. i dont feel like laying in my bed all day hiding behind my chain of command. ill actually be nice and help spc secfor who watches my ass with huge guns during convoys, who only needs an ethernet cable so he can write home to his family, friends and children. if i tell that kid to fuck off i might have caused some duress for him and his family. running and keeping an analytical journal of how my actions effects others has been a wonderful way for me to watch what i have become and keep track of where i am going.

its going to be a long year. i hope everything goes back to normal when i get home.
pat is a good pal. kim is a good pal. my brother as well.

one year from home. i have to let everyone at home be happy without me. i have to let peopel care about me.

one year here. i will read a lot. become better read and hopefully smarter. i will continue to do microsoft classes and work towards taking a ceertification test upon my return. i will continue to eat healthy and limit the the amount of th eawesome snacks have been sent. i will keep runing for two more weeks then after i get m y weight down more i will add in muscle groups on my running off days.

thats me thinking outloud. feel free to do the same. who knows, we might start a conversation.



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