Monday, September 19, 2005

iiiiiimmmm moving out.

everyone move to a-chap.com new forum goodness

Sunday, September 18, 2005

SOS SOS

this boat is obvisouly sinking....

i started the blog back up hoping that it would be awesome but its not...

its not the same without kira posting.

im also taking down the achap.com again...

its not the same without kira photoshoping images.

this time im doing it all myself. i am going to host my own blog on a new a-chap.com i am also going to host my own fotolog type site on the new a-chap.com.

i may change the name too. i dunno.

i doubt it will get much more use than the few of us who post here now, but it will be something to learn to do.

so wait around.

a.chap

Friday, September 16, 2005

jesus....

bush has made it ok for companies restoring hurricane disaster areas to pay less than minimum wage. i probably shouldnt be critical of him because of where i am. feel free to do it yourself.

i a completely unrelated issue....

a living example

would living my life as an example to everyone conflict with my thoughts on being an invidual and not giving a shit what other people think?

would living as an example even make you happy.

if you do what makes you happiest are you selfish?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

school

maybe i shoud go to school here. i could get into the school of writing and poetics and learn to meditate.

maybe that would be a good way for me to center and calm down.

it would be one hell of a way to grow as a person and a writer. go from the military to a private buhdist school in boulder colorado founded my naropa, waldman, and ginsberg.

yesssssss.

i am so happy! how are you








Happy
You scored 84 on the Happily Ever After Scale!
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:










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You scored higher than 79% on HEA points
Link: The Happily Ever After Test written by ottawa_dog on Ok Cupid

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

oh man it seems

like i always want to be something different when i grow up.

i need to grow up soon.

ive spent my entire adult life in the army. when i get out on march 1 2007 i will have 7 years of federal service behind me. way behind me. do you understand the lack of responsibility that goes along with being in the army?

sure you sign for millions of dollars of tax payer bought equipment. sure you are trained to kill people from 300 meters away with a peice of metal a little biggr than the end of a ball point pen. you even get sent to foreign countries to secure long forgoten common people democracy. you have to be prepared to die to do this. the army teaches you that too.

Im talking about real responsibility though. the kind that pays rent and impresses your girlfriend and her parents. maybe they dont need impressing because they love you but it still feels good to hold your head up high at meals and talk about all the important things you are doing at your important job.

all this time ive been an adult ive always known i was leaving soon. on active duty i knew i had a paycheck and place to live. i knew i was going to korea or iraq so i didnt need to save money then because i might not come home. enjoy it while you got it because you dont know when it leaves you. got off active duty and knew i was going to the national guard in a month. got in the national guard and knew i was going to georgia for 6 months. got back from georgia and buckled down, i got a job within a week of being home. i got into school. i got comfortable with kira. it was great. my life was starting after all that time of being caught between deployments and activations. a month after i got home i was told i was going to afghanistan. fuck it dood. goodbye job, goodbye school, hello booze, hello mississippi, goodbye kira, hello heat, dust, mountains, pashtuns, daris, ana, dutch marines, ak47s, rpgs and landmines.

now in less than a year i will be home. ill have three months before i have to go to drill again. then after that i have 6 months or so untill i am done with the army for the rest of my life. time to grow up again, start my life again, hello new job, new city, new school. hello kira, hello friends, hello family, hello new place to live.

im ready to kick all of it in the ass. there is so much i am interested in though. like being an anthropologist, a lawyer, a writer, FUCKING GONZO!, maybe whatever a person with a literary degree is.

in iraq i wanted to go to law school and become a contract lawyer. then i wanted to buy a winnebego and go from kansas city to gainsville signing bands back and fourth while i sent them to keeth who would open a recording studio and make the music. then i wanted to be a journalist and i met kira. we both cant be journalist can we? i want to be more of a norman mailer, tom wolfe, HST tpye journalist. i dont imagine we could have worked in the same city at the same job so i just let it go. then i wanted to fix computers for a living. jesus not anymore. i ended up pouring concrete, working for the DNC, and selling tight fitting clothes to underage girls.

its really time for me to go to college. i dont know what to pic though. there is only one thing i really want to have when i get older and that is kira around to tell me when im being an ass, to tell me when im being a great person, and to tell me when i need to buckle down, save money and take things more seriously. thats my real ambition. that pays real well.

not the kind of payment that pays rent, but it still might impress her parents.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Knitter Directed a Video

"Buddha (go! go! go!)" Video by Zeitgeist Auto Parts Directed by Chris Knitter

Windows Media Player
Quicktime

well its supposed to make

it'll all work out.

i am not a big fan of silence.

i love it quite, dont get me wrong.

aahhhhhh!

i typed some lines of generic ranting and raving about being here.

only nice things though. being a good person is hard.

i need support.

im sad.

Monday, September 12, 2005

breathe

i take a deep breath.
sometimes it helps when i close my eyes.
when i breathe out i feel my shoulders sink
and my head nod forward slightly

it is another day
and there is almost nothing i can do about it
being a day
most things in my life are not under my control

i take a deep breath.
my head nods and bounces
i understand its another day
i should make the most of it
i shoud do one thing constructive
at least one thing nice for someone
without a hint or a question

nothing destructive.

i breathe normal.
its still another day.

i know you are busy

but how is everyone and what have you been up to?

i have had one hell of a month.

if anyone has read wally lambs "this i know is true" then you might have some sort of idea what i have been feeling.